A Star Was Born
by DomLetty101
Summary: Olivia has a secret that will soon open old wounds and Elliot is about to find out. This was submitted to me from someone who wanted Elliot and Olivia to be the characters from A Star is Born but I put my own twist on it! E/O
1. Chapter 1

**So this story was submitted to me but I am putting a twist to it! The reader wanted Elliot and Olivia to be the characters from A Star is Born, but I have made it a bit different with the characters. Olivia has a secret that will soon open old wounds and Elliot is about to find out. This will be an E/O as Elliot helps Olivia get through her past. R &R**

* * *

I walked out of my bedroom to see Elliot sitting on my couch nursing a cup of coffee as he scrolled through his phone.

"Will you believe this?" Elliot said while looking through his phone

"Hmm?"

"Kim Kardashian is the best role model you could have for your teenage daughter, this is why I hate social media, if my daughters ever dressed the way she did, they would be grounded till they are 45"

I chuckled listening to Elliot rant about what he found on his Facebook feed while he continued to sip his coffee, I pulled the cup away from his mouth before he could take another sip as I finished it

We made our way downstairs to the car to go to work for the day, but, not before stopping off to grab another coffee to go.

"You know El, Kim Kardashian isn't necessarily the worst role model, aside from the way she may dress and act, she does teach girls to not take shit from people, to stand up for themselves, and she is working on prison reformation, so she really isn't that bad" I said with a smirk

"Not a role model for my kids" He said as he stepped off the elevator and I followed behind

"Hey baby girl, messenger dropped off a package for you, it's on your desk"

"Thanks Fin" I said as I made no rush to open it, I just sat down across from Elliot sipping my coffee and reading over the files we had for today

"Is that from a boy?" Elliot teased in a sing song voice

"Funny, it's from…" I paused as I looked for the name "from JM? Whoever that is" I said as I opened the card.

"20 years – JM" I read out loud with confusion I flipped the manila envelope over to drop out any remaining contents and a CD came out. I haven't used a CD in ages, so I didn't have anything to play it on, and of course these new laptops have no space for a CD drive.

"Use mine, it's older." Elliot said as he turned his compatible laptop around. I put the CD in the drive and waited for it to play.

We waited for about 10 seconds before the voice came through, a voice that I would always remember, a voice that sent chills up my spine, and caused my eyes to tear.

 _Tell me somethin' girl_ _  
Are you happy in this modern world?  
Or do you need more?  
Is there somethin' else you're searchin' for?_

"Oh shit, I used to love this guy!" Elliot said as he started to sing along with it

"Please don't" I whispered

"Liv, this guy was a legend, you probably have no idea who he is"

Here it was, the time that I had announced a secret I had never told anyone, I never thought it would come up, it was hard enough to deal with it before and I had done everything to move on, but now, here it was, my past life threatening to make itself known.

"Jack Maine" I said softly

"Close, Jackson Maine, but I'm impressed you knew that much, you hate country" He laughed as he continued to sing along.

 _I'm falling_ _  
In all the good times I find myself longin' for change  
And in the bad times I fear myself_

"He hated to be called Jackson, it's what his dad called him, and its what everyone who didn't really know him called him" I said softly making Elliot look at me funny.

"How would you know that? Did you have a crush on this guy or something?" He teased

"What kind of wife would I have been had I not known what my husband liked to be called, now shut it off" I whispered.

Elliot looked at me like I was delusional, and I understood why, I really did.

"Liv, Jackson Maine was married to his singing partner, some chick named Sally"

"Ally" I corrected him

"Right, Ally. Not Olivia"

"I have to go" I said grabbing my jacket as tears started to fall and I ran out of the precinct only to have Elliot follow me

"Liv! Olivia!" He yelled catching up to me grabbing my arm making me turn around to look at him.

"Liv, I'm lost here. You gotta help me out"

"I just want to go home, Elliot"

"I'll drive you" He said as he opened the car door for me, I got in with hesitation, but I got in.

"Can you please explain this to me" He started. But I kept quiet. He put the CD in the CD player in the car, and this time I didn't stop him. It had been years since I had heard my husbands voice, and I looked _out the window thinking of the memories we shared._

 _Tell me somethin' girl_ _  
Are you happy in this modern world?  
Or do you need more?  
Is there somethin' else you're searchin' for?_

"Liv, he was married to a singer named Ally"

"Elliot, what's my name?" I asked not looking at him.

"Olivia"

"What is my full name?"

"Olivia Allison Benson" He said stating the obvious

"Ally, the short version of Allison" A few moments of silenced passed before I spoke again.

"We wrote this song together" I said with a soft smile "Well I had most of it written, Jack, he uh he helped with the beginning and the music to make it perfect, we wrote it in a parking lot" I said with a chuckle

 _I'm falling  
In all the good times I find myself longin' for change  
And in the bad times I fear myself_

"You're telling me that you are Ally?" He asked with doubt and instead of answering him with a yes or no answer, I knew what part of the song was coming up next.

Mine.

 _Tell me something boy_ _  
Aren't you tired tryin' to fill that void?  
Or do you need more?  
Ain't it hard keeping it so hardcore?_

 _I'm falling_  
 _In all the good times I find myself longing for change_  
 _And in the bad times I fear myself_

Elliot looked at me starting to believe me because he could hear the voice on the CD and me singing next to him.

 _I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in_  
 _I'll never meet the ground_  
 _Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us_  
 _We're far from the shallow now_

"Liv, you sound just like her" He said still not fully sure

 _In the shallow, shallow_  
 _In the shallow, shallow_  
 _In the shallow, shallow_  
 _We're far from the shallow now_

 _Wooaaaah_  
 _Woaaaaaaaaaaah_

 _I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in_  
 _I'll never meet the ground_  
 _Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us_  
 _We're far from the shallow now_

I sang in the car and after hitting the notes that were almost impossible to hit he believed it.

"You're Ally" He said as the song continued to play through and I looked at him and nodded as we pulled up to my building. I knew he would follow me in wanting more answers, I always knew this day would come, I just hoped it wouldn't. We made our way up the elevator in silence and as we walked into my apartment no words had been spoken. Elliot sat down on the couch trying to process the information as I made my way to the bedroom to look for a box that I had not been in for 20 years.

I came back out sitting next to Elliot on the couch.

"Why didn't you ever tell us? Why didn't you ever tell me?" He asked sadly

"Tell you what, El? That before I was SVU I was actually a popstar? Or that I had a hidden life with a fake name and no one knew who I really was except Jack? Or that I was even married to Jack? Or was I supposed to tell you that after coming home from the last show on my tour, I came home to our dog barking and pawing at the garage door and Jacks truck parked outside with the door open and him no where in sight? Or was I supposed to say that I was the one who found my husbands lifeless body hanging in our garage with his hat placed next to him on the table? I don't know which one of those I was supposed to tell you Elliot, but, I have had to live with the fact that my husband killed himself and I wasn't there to save him, I was doing a fucking show while my husband was battling his demons and I wasn't fucking there! " I said with a yell as the tears fell.

"Liv" He said grabbing my hand

"I have had to live with this for years, Elliot. The guilt I feel from that night never goes away. Jack was the love of my life, and I have never forgiven myself for not being there for him that night."

"Liv, you can't blame yourself"

"Can't I? Had I made him come with me when I left, had I checked on him earlier, had I not even went, or had I just noticed the fucking signs I could've stopped him, El"

"Maybe for that night, Liv, but what about the night after or the night after that. There was nothing you could've done"

"You know people say that to you all the time, but, until it happens to you, you really don't know how much you replay the choices you had and didn't take."

"Thats why you screamed at that mother last week" Elliot said as he sunk back into the couch while I remained leaning my elbows on my knees as I thought back to last week.

 _ **Flashback**_

 _ **"You could have called her! You could have come home early instead of staying out for another drink! You could have noticed the obvious signs that you're daughter was struggling, but instead you were selfish and only looked at yourself and your own problems meanwhile you're daughter was at home killing herself, some mother you are" I spat**_

 _ **"Benson!" Cragen yelled as he came into the interrogation room Elliot and I were in. I followed Cragen out where he reprimanded me**_

 _ **"And what the hell was that, Olivia?" He asked angrily**_

 _ **"What? She was a shit mother and she couldn't see that her daughter was crying out for help! She ignored it and decided to go have fun instead of being there and helping her daughter!" I yelled**_

 _ **"Go home, Olivia" Cragen said and I rolled my eyes as I grabbed my coat and stormed out.**_

I nodded answering Elliots question.

"Suicide is not something I take easily" I said as if it weren't obvious

"I'm sorry, Liv"

"It's not something you ever get over, and it doesn't get easier, but you learn to deal with it"

We were silent for a few more minutes before Elliot spoke up again

"I wonder who sent it, the CD and the note, someone obviously knows who you are" Elliot said making me realize he was right, someone did know that I was Ally, or Ally was me.

"Well, it's not like I had performed recently, last time was 20 years ago so I don't know who would know"

"Could we watch some of your stuff? We don't have to, but, I do remember back then I had a crush on a girl named Ally" He said with a smirk trying to make me laugh, which I did

"Oh so you have a crush on me Stabler?" I teased

"Oh no, Liv, I had a crush on Ally" He laughed pulling me into a side hug kissing my temple. Elliot had been divorced for 9 months, and we had both been flirty, but I think the reason I never let myself fully love someone was because of Jack, I had felt in some strange way that I was cheating on him. Physically, it was different. I could have sex with men it never bothered me, I used them for sex, because deep down I knew I wouldn't love these guys. Loving someone fully that was't Jack was the hardest and only part I haven't done since Jack had died. Giving your body to someone was one thing, but giving someone else your heart and soul was another. Elliot was the only person who made me feel like Jack did, he made me feel safe and like I was home.

I had turned on the Apple TV and Elliot youtubed me and looked for videos.

"One rule" I said and he looked at me waiting for my rule. "No, videos with Jack" He nodded at my request and he clicked on the video for Before I cry and I watched him as he watched me - well Ally on screen.

"Now that I see the face, I can see you. The orange hair threw me off" He laughed

"I hated that hair color" The next video I tried not to cry knowing it was written about Jack, like most of mine were. Elliot sensed my emotion and took my hand as we continued to watch. I stood up to get a drink and when I heard my voice introducing the next song my body froze.

 **"My husband Jack wrote this song for me, and I would love to sing it for you guys tonight"** I said to the audience, and immediately I knew the song. I wanted to tell Elliot to change it but I was frozen as the song started to play.

 _Wish I could, I could've said goodbye_  
 _I would've said what I wanted to_  
 _Maybe even cried for you_  
 _If I knew it would be the last time_  
 _I would've broke my heart in two_  
 _Tryin' to save a part of you_

 _Don't wanna feel another touch_  
 _Don't wanna start another fire_  
 _Don't wanna know another kiss_  
 _No other name falling off my lips_  
 _Don't wanna give my heart away_  
 _To another stranger_  
 _Or let another day begin_  
 _Won't even let the sunlight in_  
 _No, I'll never love again_  
 _I'll never love again, oh, oh, oh, oh_

 _When we first met_  
 _I never thought that I would fall_  
 _I never thought that I'd find myself_  
 _Lying in your arms_  
 _And I want to pretend that it's not true_  
 _Oh baby, that you're gone_  
 _'Cause my world keeps turning, and turning, and turning_  
 _And I'm not moving on_

 _Don't wanna feel another touch_  
 _Don't wanna start another fire_  
 _Don't wanna know another kiss_  
 _No other name falling off my lips_  
 _Don't wanna give my heart away_  
 _To another stranger_  
 _Or let another day begin_  
 _Won't even let the sunlight in_  
 _No, I'll never love_

 _I don't wanna know this feeling_  
 _Unless it's you and me_  
 _I don't wanna waste a moment, ooh_  
 _And I don't wanna give somebody else the better part of me_  
 _I would rather wait for you, ooh_

 _Don't wanna feel another touch_  
 _Don't wanna start another fire_  
 _Don't wanna know another kiss_  
 _Baby, unless they are your lips_

Then the song stopped, I thought Elliot was changing it, but then I realized someone had edited this version and it cut to Jack playing the rest of the song to me on the piano.

 _Don't wanna give my heart away_  
 _To another stranger_

"Shit" I heard Elliot say as he tried to change it

"No, don't" I said as I came back to the living room to see the video of Jack singing to me on the piano.

 _Don't let another day begin_  
 _Won't let the sunlight in_  
 _Oh, I'll never love again_  
 _Never love again_  
 _Never love again_  
 _Oh, I'll never love again_

A tear fell from my eye as I watched my husband sing to me.

"Liv, I'm sorry I didn-"

"It's ok, it was edited in"

"It's a beautiful song" Elliot said and I nodded my head in agreement

"Do you want me to stop?"

"It's ok"

The next song he picked made me roll my eyes, he tried to find one that seemed more upbeat probably. Why Did You Do That was the name of the song

"You know, you look good in the video, but that wasn't you" I looked at him with my head tilted in question

"Well technically none of it was me, it was Ally"

"Nah, your soul was in the others, this is- well it looks like you just gave into what society said they wanted and you lost yourself. It was like you had nothing else to say" He said and the last part made my head perk up, I smiled, knowing that's exactly what Jack told me. Maybe just maybe Elliot was Jacks way of allowing me to be open to love someone again, not just someone, Elliot.

R&R

 **TBC...**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Read and Review, lovelies!**_

* * *

"So, why did you leave that world behind?" Elliot asked me

"Well, everything with my mom was one thing, but after Jack passed, I just couldn't handle the pressure alone, it sounds weak I know, but, I wasn't comfortable in front of cameras anymore. As cheesy as it sounds, he was the one he gave me my confidence. He was the one who made me feel beautiful and like, like I was worth it you know. It sounds like I put a lot on him, and maybe I did, but honestly he was my confidence and without that confidence there was no way I could continue to do it anymore"

"Do you ever think about doing it again?"

"I've wondered how my life would've been, but, when Jack died, so did my passion for all of that"

"Can I tell you something?" Elliot asked shyly as he looked down at his feet while I stayed silent allowing him to continue.

"I think you have so much talent, your voice is honestly beautiful, Liv, and I feel sympathy for the rest of the world that doesn't get to hear not just your voice, but your message. But, I am also so lucky that I have gotten to see you continue to spread your message to the victims we see everyday, but now I get to see you do it as Olivia Benson, not just as Ally, and for what it's worth, I think Jack would be very proud of you" Elliot said now looking at me with sincerity as I gave him a soft smile.

"Thanks, El"

"And, I'm really sorry you had to go through that, Liv" He said and I looked down at my hands while I bit my lip.

"Thanks" I said softly. "You know, the amount of people who gave me their condolences, sent food, told me they would pray for me, and asked me if I needed anything to call them, and the love that people showed me, was beautiful, but it pissed me off." I told him truthfully as he looked at me with confusion.

"It was so easy for people to offer all of that to me, but why couldn't anyone have done that for Jack. You know that's what pissed me off, you offer me love, and to be there for me, but Jack never got that. Jack was every ones drinking buddy, Jack was who you called to party with, Jack was the hot country singer who everyone would give their money to to see him sing a song. But, there was 4 people that knew that Jack's hearing was going, his brother, his doctor, Jack, and me. Jack didn't want anyone to know because he thought people would stop caring, but they never cared about him, they cared about his songs and his looks. Only 3 people knew about his dad, his brother, him, and me, he was beat by his dad after he had a few too many drinks, I think that's how we understood each other, his dad knocked up an 18 year old farmers daughter who died at child birth so he never had anyone to protect him from his dad except his brother. No one knew that Jack tried to kill himself as a child, he was 12 Elliot, he wanted to end his life at 12 years old. He was an alcoholic, abused drugs, had depression, and anxiety. I just never understood why every one could so easily run to my side and see how I was doing, but, people couldn't do that for Jack. I did everything I could to make sure he felt safe, and happy" I started to tear up as my voice got shakey.

"But, it wasn't enough. Maybe if he had the amount of people checking on me to check on him he would've been, but now it's too late. And only after they're gone is when people come out of the dark saying they wish they did something. Well you know what, I fucking wish you did too. But, now they will go on with their happy lives, and my husband is still 6 feet under."

"I wish I knew, but I think the only logical answer is people are selfish. Until it happens to them, they can't understand. I don't wish that on anyone, but if it's not part of their life, they're never going to really care. It's fucked up, but that's reality"

"Thank you" I told him

"For what?"

"Not bullshitting me, and telling me the truth. And if were being honest, I think you and Jack would've been really good friends"

"Well people did always tell me I was born to be a country super star" He said with a laugh and a southern accent

"Alright hot shot, but seriously, you both had the same values, you both made me laugh and have this urge to protect me, neither one of you bullshit me, you both had a past with your dads, and guys would have the same conversations about how fantastic I am" I said laughing

"You are pretty fantastic, Liv" He said seriously as we both locked eyes and were silent for a moment.

"Do you want a beer?" I asked him breaking the eye contact

"Sure, you want me to put a movie on?"

"As long as it isn't Top Gun, again"

"Fine, but I'm still picking the movie" I smiled as he found a movie for us. I knew that I had always had feelings for Elliot but I have never acted on them. He was married, and I think I was always scared of the rejection from Elliot. He was the longest relationship I had with a man, even longer than Jack. But I wonder if Elliot and I could become more. Would it ruin us? Or could it make us better? I didn't know, but, for some reason I felt that I could let my walls down. I wasn't going to just jump into bed with him, but I wasn't going to ignore his advances either.

"What'd you find?" I asked sitting next to him, a bit closer than before

"The Conjuring"

"You just want me to be scared" I flirted

"Well, if you're scared I'll just have to protect you" He flirted back

"I'm more than ok with that" I said with a smirk

The movie had actually freaked me out and we were about 40 minutes in and I was almost in Elliots lap to try and hide my face, but I had to move slightly when Elliot pulled his arm out from in between us and yawned- my eyes went big when I saw his arms extend up as he yawned, I could see him out of the corner of my eye seeing if he should or not, so without answering I moved a teeny bit closer to him and when I did his arm came down around my body. I looked at his hand that rested on my calf where it was bent at the knee and I reached down to put my hand on top of his bringing his hand up to rest on my thigh while we continued to watch. I squeezed his hand when something had popped out.

"You scared" He whispered with a laugh

"A bit" I admitted

"Well, like I said, I'll protect you"

"I know you will" We locked eyes once again and I could feel what would happen next as he looked down at my lips. I reached up to put my hand around his neck as he leaned down to meet me half way as our lips met. It was soft at first, no urgency, nothing too heated. We pulled back and looked at each other with a smile as we kissed again.

"I like kissing you" Elliot said after kissing for a couple minutes

"If I admit that I like kissing you too, how long will you hold that over my head" I giggled

"Forever" He said with a smile

"Good" I said kissing him again

"Liv, I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of you after everything you told me today. I've wanted to kiss you, hell I've just wanted to be with you for a long time, it just it felt right"

"I know, El, if I didn't want it I would've stopped it, but I have wanted this for a long time too. You're the longest relationship I've had with a man since, Jack, and I've never trusted anyone with that secret before except you. So, if you want to try this, I'm all in.

"Olivia Benson, I have been waiting for this moment" He said happily as he kissed me again and stood up leaving me confused as I remained on the couch. He went to my balcony and I wondered what he was doing.

"I GOT THE GIRL, FINALLY I GOT MY GIRL! PEOPLE OF NEW YORK I HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOM-"

"Elliot!" I yelled laughing as I put my hand over his mouth stopping him from yelling more. I blushed and put my head down as he picked me up.

"THIS IS MY GIRL!"

"Shut up!" Some one yelled from down below making me chuckle and rest my head between his neck and shoulder.

Normally I would be absolutely mortified, but this was honestly sweet, still embarrassing, but so incredibly sweet. I placed a small kiss on the side of his neck as I continued to hold him. We went back inside and sat on the couch while I remained on his lap.

"Will you go on a date with me?" Elliot asked as he pushed my hair back

"I don't pass up free food" I joked. "But, also I would love to" I smiled

* * *

 **TBC... More of Olivia's past comes up, and who sent her the package in the first place?**


	3. Chapter 3

"Olivia, call for you" Cragen shouted from his office.

"Dinner may be a rain check" I said smirking at Elliot

"Detective Benson" I answered

"Hi detective" The voice on the other end said and I immediately got a strange feeling

"Yes, how can I help you?"

"You said it was Benson?"

"Yes, is there something I can help you with, sir?" I asked almost annoyed and Elliot looked up at me wondering who it was.

"Yes, there is. Now, is Olivia your first name?" I knew then something was not right so I motioned to Elliot to start tracing the call.

"Yes, Olivia is my first name, do you have an emergency or anything you need to report?"

"Not really"

"Sir, if you have nothing to repo-"

"I think Olivia suits you more than Ally" He interrupted and my body froze.

"I don't know what you're talking about"

"Oh come on, Olivia, you're not an idiot. We both know you're Ally"

"Okay, so what can I do for you?"

"Well since you asked what does this sound like to you?" He said pulling the phone away and I heard screaming

"You hear that? I don't think she was screaming for Ally, I think she was screaming for help, probably from a detective"

"What do you want?"

"I want you to sing for me" He said simply

"What?"

"You heard me. Sing for me"

"I don't sing anymore"

"Very well then" He said and once again I heard the young girl screaming.

"Okay okay! I'll do it. But you have to let her go"

"We will see, now sing" He demanded and I looked at Elliot nervously. Thankfully we were the only two left in the office and Cragen in his office.

I took a breath and heard a song playing on the radio and decided to sing along to that.

 _'_ _I met you in the dark, you lit me up_

 _You made me feel as though I was enough_

 _We danced the night away, we drank too much'_

Elliot looked at me with confusion wondering why I was singing

"Oh sweet, Olivia, that is not one of your songs.

"You told me to sing, you didn't say what song"

"Sing one of your songs"

 _'What goes around comes back around_

 _(Hey my baby)_  
 _What goes around comes back around_  
 _(Hey my baby)_  
 _I say what goes around comes back around_  
 _(Hey my baby)_  
 _What goes around comes back around_

 _There was a time_  
 _I thought that you did everything right_  
 _No lies, no wrong_  
 _Boy I, must've been outta my mind_  
 _So when I think of the time that I almost loved you_  
 _You showed your ass and I, I saw the real you_

 _Thank God you blew it_

 _I thank God I dodged a bullet_  
 _I'm so over you_  
 _So baby good lookin' out_

 _I wanted you bad_  
 _I'm so through with that_  
 _'Cause honestly you turned out to be the_  
 _Best thing I never had_  
 _You turned out to be the_  
 _Best thing I never had_  
 _And I'm gon' always be the best thing you never had_  
 _Oh I bet it sucks to be you right now_

 _So sad you're hurt_  
 _Boo hoo,_ _oh, did you expect me to care?_

 _You don't deserve my tears_  
 _I guess that's why they ain't there_  
 _When I think that there was a time that I almost loved you_  
 _You showed your ass and baby yes, I saw the real you'_

"Thats all" He said and I stopped singing.

"Now let her go"

"We had a deal, so I will let her go"

"How do I know you let her go" I asked knowing he very well could be bluffing.

"Check your email" I instantly logged on and saw an email come in from a spoof email and saw a little girl in a car tied up and crying.

"How do I know this is real"

"You don't"

"Get her to hold up 2 fingers" I demanded and I watched the video and the little girl holding up two fingers as the car stopped and she was pushed out of it.

"Bye, Olivia" He said and hung up

"What the fuck was that about?"Elliot asked

"Apparently a fan willing to do anything to hear me sing"

I explained everything to Elliot as we tried to trace the call but it bounced from 11 different cell towers and none of them were in the same area.

"Liv, do you remember any crazed fans from when you were Ally?"

"There was a lot of them, but, I can think of any being overly crazed. But, usually if they were crazy I would never know about it because either my security or Bobby handled it" I said dropping my head into my hands.

"Wait, Bobby!" I said flipping my head up

"Who's Bobby?"

"He was Jacks brother." I said looking Bobby up in the database to get his address.

"Got it!" I said sending the information to my phone and grabbing my jacket looking at Elliot who was doing the same.

We filled Cragen in on everything as we made our way to Jersey where Bobby was living.

"I'm still just in awe of you, Liv" He said as we drove

"It was a different world, but, I definitely told my feelings through it. I was never able to express them in any other way so I guess it was an escape"

"You know, Liv, if that's what helps you should do it more. Write songs and just sing them to yourself, you don't have to go back to that life but if thats what helped you, you shouldn't completely let go of it."

"I wrote one more album after Jack died, I think it helped me cope, but I could never listen to the album myself. After that I was just done."

"If you ever want to try and listen to it, I can sit with you" Elliot offered as he reached his hand over and griped my small hand in his much larger one.

We drove in silence and I decided to turn on the radio while we drove.

I knew the song and I started to sing along with it quietly.

 _'...X marks the spot, where we fell apart_  
 _He poisoned the well, I was lyin' to myself_  
 _I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed_  
 _We never had a shotgun shot in the dark'_

I sang quietly but then Elliot started to sing it loud making me laugh and sing along with him, but louder this time.

 _'You were drivin' the getaway car_  
 _We were flyin', but we'd never get far_  
 _Don't pretend it's such a mystery_  
 _Think about the place where you first met me_  
 _We're ridin' in a getaway car_  
 _There were sirens in the beat of your heart_  
 _Should've known I'd be the first to leave_  
 _Think about the place where you first met me_

 _In a getaway car, oh-oh_  
 _No, they never get far, oh-ahh_  
 _No, nothing good starts in a getaway car'_

We sang the rest of the song and I laughed when it had finished.

"Listen to a lot of Taylor Swift I see"

"It's not my fault. I blame my daughters" Elliot said.

"Sure, sure" I said as we pulled into Bobby's driveway, we got out together and I took a deep breath as I knocked on his door. I saw the lights were off and I realized it was 8:54pm, he could've been in bed. As I knocked again, I heard a familiar voice.

"You god damn kids better not be selling those cookies at this hour" He shouted as the door swung open

"Just this kid, and sorry, no cookies" I smiled at the older man in front of me as he adjusted his eyes to look at me

"Hey Bobby" I said softly and he pulled me into a hug

"Olivia, hows my favorite girl doing?" He asked as he hugged me tightly.

"I'm doing good. How've you been?"

"Old, that's how I've been doing but I know you and...?" He stopped to look at Elliot

"Elliot, my partner" I said then I realized what he must have thought

"I mean work partner, well and other kind well sort of I'm not sure we are par-"

"Liv, it's been 20 years, you deserve to be happy. Now come on in, I know you're not here because you were in the neighborhood." He said opening the door to let me and Elliot in. As we walked in I saw Bobby's walls filled with awards, photos, and other memorabilia. I looked at a photo of me and Jack after he proposed to me with a guitar string at his friend Georges house I ran my fingers over the photo remembering that day perfectly.

"You look happy" Elliot commented as he looked at the photo with me

"I was"

"Ya'll want a drink?" Bobby asked

"Sure" I said as I continued to look at the photos

"Is this you at the Grammys?" Elliot asked looking at a photo and I nodded my head yes, knowing how perfectly awful that day was.

"This was the first night I met Jack" I said looking at a picture of us in a parking lot that he took.

"Is that a bag of peas on your hand?" He asked making me laugh

"Yep, I punched a cop that night."

I saw Jacks old guitars and other items of his at Bobbys house.

"Scotch" Bobby said as he sat the drinks down and I looked at him funny

"Liv, you weren't an alcoholic. Sometimes it helps when we have to talk about the tough stuff"

"You sure you're doing ok, Bobby?"

"I get by, there's days I wonder what more I could have done, but there was nothing either one of us could have done and it's taken me a long time to accept that" He told me and I nodded, even though I still didn't believe that.

"So what can I help you with, detective" He said with his thick accent

"Can't fool me girl, I've been watching all of your accomplishments with SVU and everything you've gone through, and I gotta say you are a tough one, I guess bad ass Benson is still here, and I'm proud of you, girl, and I know Jack would've been too" He said making me tear up.

"Thanks, Bobby. So why were here, someone knows my secret and is using it to their advantage, the kidnapped a girl and made me sing to them in exchange for letting her go."

"This world is getting more fucked up by the day" Bobby said and I nodded in agreement.

"Do you ever remember any crazy fans that tried to bother me?"

"It was so long ago, Liv." He said leaning back trying to think

"There was one I remember, every show you had he was always trying to sneak into your dressing room, uhm Mike? Matt? Mark! That's it, Mark something"

I knew that wouldn't help us with the amount of Marks in the world.

"Hold on, I have some stuff still from the tours" He said as he made his way to the basement. Elliot stood up looking around

"Hey Liv, what do you think about me being a cowboy?" He said making me turn around and my eyes went wide.

"Please take that off" I said softly

"I won't break it"

"Take it off" I said softly again

"Liv, I was just trying Bobby's hat on, I wasn't going to ta-"

"Take the fucking hat off, Elliot!" I yelled and he did immediately and I could tell he felt bad.

"I didn't know Bobby had that" I said as I ran my fingers over the rim of the hat.

"This was the hat Jack always wore, and the one he placed next to him before he killed himself" I said with tears in my eyes and my breathing starting to labour.

"This is it" Bobbys voice said and saw something was wrong with Olivia

"Liv, whats wrong girl?"

"Why do you have this, Bobby?" I asked almost angry

"I couldn't get rid of it, Liv. Besides you, Liv, that hat was the only other thing that was apart of him." He said and my tears fell.

"What did you find?" I asked wiping my tears

"These boxes are filled with crazy fan mail you and Jack both got, and theres a list of no entries in here too. I didn't read all of them security did though and always kept this, this may help."

"Thanks Bobby" I said hugging him as we got up to leave

"Anytime, and don't be a stranger ok? You and Jack were my only family, I've already lost one, and I hate feeling like I've lost you too" I hugged him tighter.

"You never lost me, Bobby. I lost me."

"Elliot seems like a good guy, give it a chance. Jack would want you to try, he wouldn't want you unhappy. He was a stubborn son of a bitch, so he would find someway to fuck with anyone who wasn't good for you" I laughed

"Elliots a stubborn son of a bitch too, so I guess it makes sense."

We parted ways as Elliot and I drove back to the city.

"We have a lot of reading to do" I said looking back at all the letters

"We will catch this guy, Liv" He said as he reached over and linked his fingers with mine making me smile.

* * *

 **Songs:**

 **Say You Won't Let Go - James Arthur**

 **Best Thing I Never Had - Beyonce**

 **Getaway Car - Taylor Swift**

 **R &R**


	4. Chapter 4

"Liv, I'm ordering Chinese is that good for you?"

"Liv?" Elliot asked again after not getting a response

"Liv?" Elliot said walking into the living room where Olivia sat on the couch.

"El, I think I'm ready" She said with a shaky voice

"For what?"

"I want to listen to Jacks music, and maybe mine" She told him, and Elliot smiled walking away, leaving Olivia sitting on the couch confused.

When Elliot came back he had ordered the food and brought two glasses of red wine and the bottle.

"Just in case you need a bit of liquid courage" Elliot told her making her smile.

"Which one first?"

"Black Eyes" She said as they sat facing each other on the couch as the music filled the room.

"He was so cocky about how well he could play guitar he always had such a smug look on his face during his solo" She told him as they listened to the song.

As the next song came on Elliot could see Olivia shift in discomfort, he was about to change it, not wanting to upset her, but he stopped when she started singing along

' _Some folks just believe in the things they've heard_

 _And the things they read_  
 _Nobody knows what awaits for the dead_

 _I'm glad I can't go back to where I came from_  
 _I'm glad those days are gone, gone for good_  
 _But if I could take spirits from my past and bring' 'em here_  
 _You know I would, you know I would_

 _Nobody speaks to God these days_  
 _Nobody speaks to God these days'_

Olivia sang softly while Elliot smiled proudly at her.

They continued to listen and the next song Elliot knew well, he was after all a fan.

' _Don't ask too many questions_

 _You don't want answers to_  
 _You don't like my direction_  
 _Hell, I won't follow you_

 _I ain't lyin'_  
 _I don't lie'_

Elliot started to sing softly to himself till he caught Olivia watching him and he stopped.

"Sorry"

"Don't be, Jack used to get a thrill seeing people sing along with him. If you know it, and like it, then sing it" Olivia told him as she too started to sing the next part.

 _'I told my dyin' daddy_  
 _That I had to run away_  
 _Looked him in the eyes_  
 _Said, "there ain't no other way"_  
 _So woman, if I tell you that I love you, be ok_

 _'Cause I ain't lyin'_  
 _I don't lie_  
 _Without an alibi'_

Olivia sang loudly making Elliot sing with her. The pair sang a couple more songs together till one of just Olivia's came on, Elliot didn't know the words but he knew the song so he let Olivia sing it and he stared at her in awe.

' _That Arizona sky burning in your eyes_

 _You look at me and, babe, I wanna catch on fire_  
 _It's buried in my soul like California gold_  
 _You found the light in me that I couldn't find_

 _So when I'm all choked up_  
 _But I can't find the words_  
 _Every time we say goodbye_  
 _Baby, it hurts_  
 _When the sun goes down_  
 _And the band won't play_  
 _I'll always remember us this way_

 _Lovers in the night_  
 _Poets trying to write_  
 _We don't know how to rhyme_  
 _But, damn, we try_  
 _But all I really know_  
 _You're where I wanna go_  
 _The part of me that's you will never die_

Elliot was amazed by her voice, she was singing in front of him, with no back up, no auto-tune, nothing, just her and he couldn't understand how this woman had so much talent. He could listen to her sing all day, and he really wished she would do it more. The song was so pure, beautiful, and raw. This wasn't Ally singing, this was Olivia. He knew this song wasn't for him, this song was for her first love, for her husband, Jack. Elliot knew that and would always respect that.

 _So when I'm all choked up_  
 _But I can't find the words_  
 _Every time we say goodbye_  
 _Baby, it hurts_  
 _When the sun goes down_  
 _And the band won't play_  
 _I'll always remember us this way_

 _Oh, yeah_  
 _I don't wanna be just a memory, baby, yeah_

 _When I'm all choked up_  
 _But I can't find the words_  
 _Every time we say goodbye_  
 _Baby, it hurts_  
 _When the sun goes down_  
 _And the band won't play_  
 _I'll always remember us this way, oh, yeah_

 _When you look at me_  
 _And the whole world fades_  
 _I'll always remember us this way_

"That's beautiful, Liv"

"Thanks, El" She said and the pair was interupted by a knock at the door

"There's dinner" Elliot said standing up to grab his wallet

The pair sat on the couch watching a movie eating dinner, while Olivia was deep in thought

"I think I want to go to the studio, El"

"Really?"

"Yeah, like you said I don't have to release music, but it may be a release for me. I know I don't want that lifestyle again, I am happy with where I am, but it really was like an escape for me"

"I will support you no matter what you want to do, Liv"

"Thanks, El. I also think that I want to listen to the last album I made after Jack passed, but not right now. I just know that will bring up a lot, that album was saying goodbye to Jack, and to Ally which was why I never listened to it."

"When you're ready, Liv" Elliot said taking her hand in his and kissing the back of it. "When you decide you're ready we will sit here and listen, and if it becomes too much we can turn it off" Olivia leaned over and kissed him softly

"Thank you, El, for everything."

"I told you, I am always going to be here"

"I couldn't have done any of this without you. I haven't listened to Jacks music since the time he passed, and I really missed it. I don't think I ever really got closure, I just got mad."

"It's ok, you're allowed to be angry, there's no right or wrong reaction"

"I know, but no matter how you react, or how you try to get over it you still blame yourself"

"Liv, it wasn-"

"I know El, it wasn't my fault. Do you know how many people have told me that? How many victims I have told that to? You still blame yourself"

"I'll be here to keep reminding you that it wasn't"

* * *

 **R &R - More action next update! Also, Message me with song ideas for Olivias after Jack album!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Songs requested and used were: Bang Bang - Ariana Grande, Little Do You Know - Alex and Sierra, Imagine Ariana Grande, thank u, next - Ariana Grande, Fake Smile -Aariana Grande, Before I cry- Lady Gaga, Touch-Pia Mia**

 **Some are full lyrics some are partial that way there is still a story, this is part of recovery next chapter will have drama and more songs so send more requests!**

* * *

"Liv, are you sure you want me to come?" Elliot asked for the third time today and I was beginning to get annoyed

"El, I have already told what I want. If you don't want to come, then don't. But don't try to make me tell you what to do" I said as I came out of my bedroom wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of tight fitting jeans as I made my way to the front door to grab my boots but I felt Elliot pull my arm back and I fell into his embrace.

"Of course I want to be there, I just don't want you to feel like you can't get everything that you want if because I'm there. This is supposed to help you heal and I don't want you to be held back or hide something just because I'm there" Elliot said softly as he brushed my hair out of my face. I gave him a small smile and I leaned in to press a soft kiss to his lips.

"Jack will always be part of my life, but so are you, El. I want you there, I won't hold anything back because you're there, I might hold back because I'm the one who isn't ready but you give me somethings that at one point only Jack ever could"

"Whats that?"

"Confidence, safety, love, truth, and trust"

"Then lets go" He said as he took my hand and we made our way to the studio I had spent a good portion of my life at. I sat in the passengers seat twiddling my thumbs, I was nervous about today, but I was nervous about saying the things that had not yet left paper.

"Liv?" Elliot said looking at me like he had said it a few times

"Sorry, what?"

"Were here" He announced and I looked out the window to the familiar building. I took a breath and opened the door. When I approached the studio doors I released the breath I took and opened it walking to the front desk.

"Hi, I have an 8 hour with Mike" I said looking down

"Hey baby! Look at you!" Mike said as he came out from the door behind the receptionist and pulled me into a hug.

"Mike, I don't have a name for this session to add to the file?" The receptionist asked with a questioning tone

"This ones personal, Molly. So no name required" He said and I gave him a small smile for keeping my secret

"Come on back you two" He said as Elliot and I followed him when the door opened I was filled with a feeling of nostalgia. I ran my fingers over the desk where the controls sat, the couch although is new, is a spot where many of us had fallen asleep on. The pictures a mix of old and new, on the left wall of the room was a photo of Jack and I performing at one of his shows. I had on some graphic t-shirt that was cut making it a crop top, a pair of jeans, I was bending back slightly singing into the mic as Jack leaned into me to share the mic. We were looking at each other and smiling as if we were the only people in the 20,000 person arena

"You look happy" Elliot whispered from behind me looking at the photo I was smiling at.

"I was"

"So baby, you said you wanted to do some unreleased things?"

"Yeah I wrote some stuff after but I couldn't bring myself to say the words outloud. But I also wanted to do some old ones"

"Whatever you want to do, baby. The studio is still your playground." Mike said handing me headphones. Elliot took a seat next to Mike and I held the door handle getting ready to walk into a place where I let myself be the most vulnerable. I took a breath and walked in placing the headphones on my ears and walking up to the mic.

"You remember how it's done, baby?" Mikes voice asked through the speaker and I nodded my head yes

"Alright, it's all you when you're ready"

"Ch.. Ch" I stuttered "Ch.. Check 1, Check 2, Complete, left sound check, right sound check, treble please" I waited for the sound and when I heard it I continued

"Treble check, bass please... Bass check" I said starting to feel like I was getting comfortable again.

I watched Mike countdown from 5 on his fingers indicating the music would start and it did.

I heard the melody play and as soon as I was supposed to sing I blanked.

"Music stop" Mike said and I closed my eyes and shook my head

"I'm sorry"

"It's ok baby, you're gonna get it"

"Restart" I commanded and once again I watched Mike countdown from 5 and the music came back on.

I closed my eyes and started to sing

 _'Little do you know_

 _How I'm breaking while you fall asleep'_

I sang the first lines and they were off tune and I was not following the melody at all and I was screwing myself up but I kept trying

 _'Little do you know_

 _I'm still haunted by the memories_  
 _Little do you know_  
 _I'm trying to pick the pieces of myself up piece by piece_  
 _Little did you know'_

The music stopped and I knew I messed up the lyrics, the melody, the whole thing was off, and I started to think this was a terrible idea.

"Baby, don't beat yourself up. It's been a minute, you're still remembering all this. Come here I have an idea" Mike said and I came out of the booth and sat on the couch while Mike picked the phone up.

"Molly, will you bring in a bottle of red"

A few seconds later the receptionist came in with a bottle of red wine and three glasses

"A bit of liquid courage and then were gonna have some fun"

We talked about old times, Mike told Elliot some embarrassing stories about me but I just laughed, I was feeling more at ease.

"Oh god, Liv, you remember this!" Mike said laughing as he started to play a song and my eyes went wide and I started to laugh knowing the song

"Oh my god! Why did we ever do this song!" I said laughing at the memory of singing with Christina Aguleria and J-LO **(A/N: I changed the artists to 90's ones because this was when Liv was Ally)**

 _'Sure she got a body like an hourglass_

 _But I can give it to you all the time_  
 _Sure she got a booty like a Cadillac_  
 _But I can send you into overdrive (oh)_  
 _You've been waiting for that_  
 _Step on up, swing your bat_  
 _You see anybody could be bad to you_  
 _You need a good girl to blow your mind, yeah_

 _Bang bang into the room (I know you want it)_  
 _Bang bang all over you (I'll let you have it)_  
 _Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)_  
 _Wait a minute 'til you (ah, hey!)_  
 _Bang bang there goes your heart (I know you want it)_  
 _Back, back seat of my car (I'll let you have it)_  
 _Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)_  
 _Wait a minute 'til you (ah, hey!)_

I stood up dancing around the room drinking my wine singing the song having a good time

"Ah here comes our girls part, sing it baby!" Mike said as my part came on

 _'She might've let you hold her hand at school_

 _But I'mma show you how to graduate_  
 _No, I don't need to hear you talk the talk_  
 _Just come and show me what your momma gave (oh yeah)_  
 _I heard you've gotta big baby, mouth but don't say a thing_  
 _See anybody could be good to you_  
 _You need a bad girl to blow your mind_

 _Bang bang into the room (I know you want it)_  
 _Bang bang all over you (I'll let you have it)_  
 _Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)_  
 _Wait a minute 'til you (ah, hey!)_  
 _Bang bang there goes your heart (I know you want it)_  
 _Back, back seat of my car (I'll let you have it)_  
 _Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)_  
 _Wait a minute 'til you (ah, hey!)'_

"Yes baby! That's what I'm talking about! Can you still do THE part?" Mike asked and I raised my eyebrow at him

"Can I?"

 _'You know what, girls? let me show you how to do it_

 _It's Myx Moscato_  
 _It's frizz in a bottle_  
 _It's Nicki full throttle, it's oh, oh_  
 _Swimming in the grotto_  
 _We winning in the lotto_  
 _We dipping in the powder blue, four door_  
 _Kitten so good_  
 _It's dripping on wood_  
 _Get a ride in the engine that could_  
 _Go, Batman, robbin' it_  
 _Bang bang, cockin' it_  
 _Queen Nicki dominant, prominent_  
 _It's me, Jessie, and Ari_  
 _If they test me, they sorry_  
 _Ride his uh like a Harley_  
 _Then pull off in his Ferrari_  
 _If he hanging we banging_  
 _Phone ringing, he slanging_  
 _It ain't karaoke night but get the mic 'cause I'm singing_

 _B to the A to the N to the G to the uh_  
 _B to the A to the N to the G to the hey_  
 _See anybody could be good to you_  
 _You need a bad girl to blow your mind'_

I finished the rap part of the song and Mike was clapping and laughing while Elliot stared at me with a huge smile the song continued to play and I couldn't stop laughing as I took another sip of my wine till I realized something.

"You sneaky son of a bitch" I said looking at Mike who shrugged his shoulders smirking at me

"What?" Elliot asked me confused as to what was going on

"This guy, makes sure I have my favorite wine, plays the cheesiest song I was ever part of knowing I wouldn't take it seriously so I would jokingly sing the song to make me not as nervous"

"It worked then, it works now. So get your ass in there, and show me what you've been hiding" Mike directed and I smiled at him as I went back into the booth taking my wine with me

"We don't have to start with the heavy baby, we start with what you want. Yours or not"

"Fake Smile?" I asked him and he nodded

The music started and I was feeling more confident

 _'_ _Another night, another party, sayin' hi to everybody'_ I started but it was a bit off so I asked him to restart. I looked up and Eliot was smiling at me and mouth 'You got this' I smiled and nodded getting ready to try again.

 _'Another night, another party, sayin' hi to everybody_

 _I'm sorry, I start to leave, I gotta leave now_  
 _Got somewhere I gotta be now, I'm starving_  
 _Can somebody walk me to my car?_  
 _If I go alone, I'm not gon' make it very far_  
 _I'm happy for the love and all of the above_  
 _If I'm being honest, I done been through way too much_

 _I can't fake another smile_  
 _I can't fake like I'm alright_  
 _Ooh, ah (Ooh, ah)_  
 _And I won't say I'm feeling fine_  
 _After what I been through, I can't lie_  
 _Ooh, ah (Ooh, ah)_

 _Fuck a fake smile, smile_

 _Fuck a fake smile, fake smile'_

Once the song finished I let out a scream of happiness. I finally did it. I was grinning from ear to ear and I could feel the release

"Another one" I told him and I continued to sing three more songs and when I went to go grab a water Elliot pulled me into a tight hug

"I am so proud of you" He whispered and before I could say anything back his phone rang

"Sorry babe, it's Kathleen" I smiled understanding that his children were always number one

I began talking to Mike about the other songs I had written I made a melody of sounds of how I thought some of them should sound and he tried to mix things up. I looked back at Elliot and he looked stressed so I stood up and put my hand on his shoulder giving him a questioning look.

'Kathleen, hold on for a second, honey' Elliot pulled the phone away and sighed

"She and her boyfriend just broke up and shes distraught she wants me to go ge-"

"El, shes your daughter. Go be with her"

"But, I promised you"

"Your kids are your priority, so don't even worry" I told him but as soon as I said it I had an idea

"Wait, El give me the phone" I said as he told Kathleen I wanted to talk to her

'Hey sweetie, how're you doing?' I started the conversation and she told me what happened

'I have an idea of how you can let out some of those feelings, your dads coming to get you and I'll see you soon ok?'

We said our good byes and Elliot looked at me with a confused look

"The studio helps me, maybe it will help her. She can sing some Spice Girls and just have some fun" Elliot smiled at me and went to go get Kathleen

Mike and I kept talking and I sang a few more songs as I waited for Kathleen and Elliot to arrive once I saw them walk in I walked out of the booth and pulled Kathleen into a hug

"Hi, pretty girl" I told her brushing the hair out of her eyes and wiping her tears.

"Hey Liv, what is this place?"

"It's a recording studio"

"Like where they make songs?"

"Yeah"

"Oh ok, why are we here?"

"Well, I have had a secret for years. You probably don't know much about her but" I looked up at Elliot who was nodding his head

"Or maybe you do. Kathleen have you heard of a singer named Ally from years ago?"

"Yes! Oh my god, I used to love her when I was little, I haven't heard any new music from her but after her husband died sh-" She stopped and I saw Elliot was squeezing her shoulder in an attempt to stop her

"It's ok, El"

"Whats going on?" Kathleen asked

"What was your favorite song by Ally?"

"I think either Shallows or Before I cry" I smiled at her and I cleared my throat as Mike started to play the instrumentals in the back

 _'I can't believe the things you said_

 _Right now I wish that you would try_  
 _Try to stay near me_  
 _Try to be near me_  
 _Before I cry (before I cry)_  
 _'Cause I am gonna need a well_  
 _To catch the pain and lift the spell_  
 _Like you won't hear me_  
 _Can you try to heal me?_  
 _Before I cry_

 _Hurry up, hurry up_  
 _Before I lose you_  
 _Hurry up, hurry up_  
 _Before you lose me too_  
 _Hurry up, hurry up_  
 _Before I change my mind_

 _'Cause I'm gonna cry_  
 _If you say you don't need me_  
 _I'm gonna cry if you act like you don't care_  
 _Promise me, baby, you know I can't fake it_  
 _Why don't you hold me?_  
 _Tell me you love me_  
 _Before I cry_  
 _Before I cry'_

I sang and I watched the confusion on Kathleens face.

"Wait are yo- you soun- was that lip syn-"

"You better not be asking if I was lip sync because I never did. Isn't that right, Mike?"

"True, baby girl never lip syncs"

"So does this mean you, but it can't be, how are y-"

"My name is Olivia Allison Benson, Ally always sounded better than Allison, and eventually Ally just sounded better as one name. It was very Cher or Madonna back then"

"You're Ally?"

"You and your father have the same reactions"

"How?"

"Hair dye, name change, never spoke of my personal life, no one who knew Olivia has heard me sing"

"You were married to Jackson Maine?" She asked quietly

"I was"

"You were the one who fou- Sorry, I'm being rude"

"It's fine, uhm but yeah I was the one who found him. You don't really come back from something like that so I had to get out, and thats when I joined the force, Ally was gone an all that was left was Olivia"

"I think Olivia is pretty remarkable" Kathleen said and I smiled at her. She and I always shared a close bond. "And I'm really sorry for what you went through"

"Thanks, Kath"

"So what are we doing here?"

"Well, when I was Ally this place was my escape and after Jack died I couldn't come back. I wrote one more album, but I never listened to it. I wrote a bunch of songs but they have never left paper, so your dad thought I could try this to release the feelings I was holding on to, and after your day I thought you might want to try too so here we are"

"Liv, I can't sing"

"Who cares, no one is listening to this. It's a form of release. You don't have to, but if you want to join me the door is open for you" I smile and gave her another hug as I went back into the booth to sing more

 _'I'm lying in this hotel_

 _Cuddling up to the body pillow_  
 _I'm trying not to call you_  
 _'Cause I don't want to miss you no more, oh_

 _Every now and then I get a little lonely_  
 _I can hold myself but no it's not the same thing_  
 _Need to feel the pressure somewhere on my body, on my body, oh_

 _'Cause sometimes_  
 _All I wanna do is be touched_  
 _All I wanna do is be loved_  
 _All I wanna do is be touched_  
 _So touch me_  
 _So touch me_  
 _So touch me_

 _I can't get to sleep_  
 _Damn oh damn I'm trying now_  
 _Oh, I put on the TV right here_  
 _Maybe it'll calm me down_

 _Every now and then I get a little lonely_  
 _I can hold myself but no it's not the same thing_  
 _Need to feel the pressure somewhere on my body, on my body, oh_

 _'Cause sometimes_  
 _All I wanna do is be touched_  
 _All I wanna do is be loved_  
 _All I wanna do is be touched, touched touched_  
 _So touch me_  
 _So touch me_

 _All I want, all I want, all I want to do is be touched by you_  
 _If you want, If you want, if you want it too, tell me the truth_  
 _All I want, all I want, all I want to do is be touched by you_  
 _And if you want it too just touch me_

 _'Cause sometimes_  
 _All I wanna do is be touched_  
 _All I wanna do is be loved_  
 _(So touch me)_  
 _So touch me_

 _Oh come closer baby_  
 _Oh closer baby_  
 _Oh, so closer baby_  
 _So touch me'_

I looked at Elliot who was blushing at I started to wonder if I should have done a different song, one that didn't involve touching, and if were being honest I wrote this about Elliot so the song I sang in front of Elliots daughter is about how I want her father to touch me... I looked over at Kathleen who I figured would have a grossed out look on her face but instead she was smiling.

The next song was one I wrote about Jack when he was alive but it was never released.

 _'Step up the two of us, nobody knows us_

 _Get in the car like, "Skrrt"_  
 _Stayin' up all night, order me pad thai_  
 _Then we gon' sleep 'til noon_  
 _Me with no makeup, you in the bathtub_  
 _Bubbles and bubbly, ooh_  
 _This is a pleasure, feel like we never_  
 _Act this regular_

 _Click, click, click and post_  
 _Drip-drip-dripped in gold_  
 _Quick, quick, quick, let's go_  
 _Kiss me and take off your clothes_

 _Imagine a world like that_  
 _Imagine a world like that_  
 _We go like up 'til I'm 'sleep on your chest_  
 _Love how my face fits so good in your neck_  
 _Why can't you imagine a world like that?_  
 _Imagine a world_

 _Knew you were perfect after the first kiss_  
 _Took a deep breath like, "Ooh"_  
 _Feels like forever, baby, I never_  
 _Thought that it would be you_  
 _Tell me your secrets, all of the creep shit_  
 _That's how I know it's true_  
 _Baby, direct it, name in the credits_  
 _Like the movies do_

 _Click, click, click and post_  
 _Drip-drip-dripped in gold_  
 _Quick, quick, quick, let's go_  
 _Kiss me and take off your clothes_

 _Imagine a world like that_  
 _Imagine a world like that_  
 _We go like up 'til I'm 'sleep on your chest_  
 _Love how my face fits so good in your neck_  
 _Why can't you imagine a world like that?_  
 _Imagine a world_

 _Can you imagine it?_  
 _Can you imagine it?_  
 _Can you imagine it?_  
 _Can you imagine it?_  
 _Can you imagine it? (Can you imagine?)_  
 _Can you imagine it? (Can you imagine?)_ The whistle note was coming up and I haven't hit that in years so this may be embarrassing but I was still gonna try.  
 _Can you imagine it? Ooh_ Once I hit the first whistle, the second came, then the third, and finally the forth. I still had it.  
 _Imagine (Can you imagine?)_  
 _Imagine it, imagine it_  
 _Imagine it, imagine it_  
 _Imagine_  
 _Imagine'_

I saw Elliot looking at me smiling and clapping, it made me feel good that I made him proud and that gave me butterflies.

"Liv?" Kathleen asked opening the door

"Hey, are you feeling better?" I asked and she nodded nervously like she wanted to ask me something, and I just smiled and nodded my head at her already knowing the question as I held out an extra pair of headphones for her to join me.

"What a song that always makes you smile?"

"Right now it's thank u, next"

"By Ariana Grande?"

"Yeah! You know it?"

"Once you become an artist you know every artist old and new. Mike can you do instrumental for thank u, next?"

"You got it, ladies" I gave Kathleen a run down of how it'll be different without the vocals you're used to so there won't be any ques to start except the beat of the song.

 _'Thought I'd end up with Haden_

 _But he wasn't a match_  
 _Wrote some songs about Porter_  
 _Now I listen and laugh_  
 _Even almost got married_  
 _And for Matt, I'm so thankful_  
 _Wish I could say, "Thank you" to Jackson_  
 _'Cause he was an angel'_

I started out the song so Kathleen could hear how it would sound and I changed the lyrics to my ex' including the guy that was my moms student in University that proposed to me. Once Kathleen got the sound and beat down she started to sing with me

 _'One taught me love_  
 _One taught me patience_  
 _And one taught me pain_  
 _Now, I'm so amazing_  
 _I've loved and I've lost_  
 _But that's not what I see_  
 _So, look what I got_  
 _Look what you taught me_  
 _And for that, I say_

 _Thank you, next (next)_  
 _Thank you, next (next)_  
 _Thank you, next_  
 _I'm so fuckin' grateful for my ex_  
 _Thank you, next (next)_  
 _Thank you, next (next)_  
 _Thank you, next (next)_  
 _I'm so fuckin'_

 _Spend more time with my friends_  
 _I ain't worried 'bout nothin'_  
 _Plus, I met someone else_  
 _We havin' better discussions_  
 _I know they say I move on too fast_  
 _But this one gon' last_  
 _'Cause her name is Livy_  
 _And I'm so good with that (so good with that)_

 _She taught me love (love)_  
 _She taught me patience (patience)_  
 _How she handles pain (pain)_  
 _That shit's amazing (yeah, she's amazing)_  
 _I've loved and I've lost (yeah, yeah)_  
 _But that's not what I see (yeah, yeah)_  
 _'Cause look what I've found (yeah, yeah)_  
 _Ain't no need for searching, and for that, I say_

 _Thank you, next (thank you, next)_  
 _Thank you, next (thank you, next)_  
 _Thank you, next (thank you)_  
 _I'm so fuckin' grateful for my ex_  
 _Thank you, next (thank you, next)'_

We continued the song and once it was done Kathleen hugged me tightly and asked to do more which we did. Some were break up anthems, some were favorites of hers, some were angry, and some were mine.

We decided to call it a day and we said our goodbyes and I booked another session with Mike for next week. After Elliot dropped Kathleen off I asked if he wanted to come back to my place not knowing what would be there waiting for me. My good day was about to turn bad.

 **TBC...**


End file.
